Loving (and hating) a challenge

Life is full of challenges, from personal problems to marathon running events. The only perceived difference is that there are those we choose and those that choose us. But what if all the challenges we face in life are of our own choice?

How we react to life's challenges is certainly our choice. I'll admit that it is hard to react positively to a perceived negative situation, but sometimes the best reaction is none at all. All we can do is control ourselves and be responsible for our actions. We can't control others (even if we think we can) or their actions, but we can choose how to react to them. By choosing to react defensively or aggressively and let people or situations bring us down we drain ourselves. We upset the homeostasis of our bodies by increasing stress hormones or by disrupting our sleep patterns. At best we are unhappy and sad and worst we are helping in destroying our own health.

The reason I write about this is because I have been experiencing first hand these challenges. I have been working on not being so nice at work and being stronger in my resolve. I have accepted these challenges gladly as an opportunity to learn and grow. However I have also let them get me down and so I have chosen to be sad and tired.

At the end of the day it is only a job, this whole thing is only life. It is not not life and death, so I should be able to stand happy at the day's end. I have been dreaming about work, which only happens when I worry about it a great deal. When I used to worry about my fitness business I would wake up doing pad work in my sleep. I'd rather not be in that place again. That feeling is like a mist that pervades my every pore, it makes me doubt myself and worry unnecessarily. But it is only my mind that creates that feeling, only my choice to react that way.

As humans we love to have something or someone to blame, we love a good moan. Often we are incapable of accepting responsibility when we do something wrong or we choose to act a certain way. "He made me so mad!" "Work has stressed me out and now I feel depressed." Our reactions to these situations or people are merely a choice and our responsibility. I am not perfect (and I'm ok with that), but I recognise my faults and I choose to accept and learn from them. I also choose to be happy, calm and energised for the challenges ahead. After all no one can do these things for me.

Tom

Woodwork work

Yesterday I had the opportunity to work with two flooring specialists on a floating floor in Campbelltown at a new home build. It was a great learning experience and fun working with the guys.

The two chaps are father and son and need someone to come on board that they can train up to help them free up time for other jobs. The tricky part for me has been deciding what to do. I think fear and worry about not being good enough and letting Apple down has been in my mind. But after reading through my "No more Mr Nice Guy" (NMMNG) book I have seen that this is the old me thinking. What I need to do is think about myself and what I want to do. The old me would always worry about letting others down at the expense of doing what I wanted and as a result being unhappy and resentful (even though I created the situation!)

With that firmly in my mind it is in my power to choose what I want, all that I need to figure out is which days to make myself free. Then I can prepare for some long working weeks ahead and hopefully a more stable income!

I forgot to take photos yesterday of the floor, but the guys are Brazilian hardwood specialists. So the skills and knowledge they have will be priceless for me and it helps a lot that they are nice guys and easy to get on with. Aside from the solid and floating floors they also do decking, 2nd fix carpentry and joinery. Their plan in the future is to expand, so it has great potential to be a varied and rewarding job.

Today Catherine and I are catching up with a number of friends and watching the Super rugby semi final between the Waratahs and the Brumbies at the Allianz stadium in Sydney. It should be a big match as the "Tahs" are on fire at the moment. Come on Izzy!!

Tomorrow I have a lovely 29km run to do as part of marathon training and then I'm off to the flooring workshop for 4 hours to help make show demo frames. I'll post photos to show what they are next week.

Have a good weekend guys.

Tom: )

Roll on Friday!

Do you ever get those weeks where you forget what day it was, think that it's much closer to the weekend and then realise that it is still only Tuesday? That's the week that I am having so far. I think the half marathon has killed what little brain cells I had left.

Today was a good day at work, but also trying at the same time. Trying to change youself for the better is a tiring and long process, much like trying to clean a floor with a toothbrush. The good thing about working at my new place is that I get regular feedback. The bad side to this is that it is often to do with areas that I already know need work. It gets repeated to me often enough each week that it actually becomes infuriating. Mainly because I am trying not to do things that I have done for two decades and that doesn't change overnight, no matter who you are.

I have recently begun using Pocketbook, a great budgeting app that once given access to your bank account (much like Mint in the UK) can help you to budget successfully. I have set a spending limit for things like food (outside of groceries), coffee and any social stuff. I am only into the second week of using this handy app and have discovered a few interesting things:

1. I don't have enough money
2. I spend too much money
3. I have to cut out a lot of expenditure.

As a result of this enlightenment I have had to make some painful cuts. Feeling much like George Osborne after his first budget I have had to make some drastic cuts, which are going to make me unpopular. Although in this case I will only be unpopular with myself (read cold turkey on caffeine). This budget cuts look like this:

1. Cancel yoga membership. I have fallen off the wagon of two regular sessions a week since my new job began and even then it was a push to justify it.
2. Reduce my weekly coffee spend by 50%. Insanely I reckon I spend between $30 & $50 a week. I bloody love coffee, but I need to get that under control!
3. Reduce bus usage by 50%. This is an approximate figure, but basically it means "stop being lazy and just walk!" 
4.  Cut out snack purchases. Ultimately I need to be organised and pack lunch and dinner for work everyday. I just have to be prepared, so that I never need to buy lunch or snacks.

So I am now preparing for the severity of these cuts with a cold beer (I had bought them pre-budget) and some nuts. I feel like the next month is going to be tough, but then I should be ok. I'll keep you posted with how it goes.

I'll update you on Friday as I have a late shift tomorrow.

Tom

An update

I have been absent from writing for some time now. A couple of months ago I wanted to focus on work, training and volunteering and didn't think I would have any free time to write my blog. I wasn't wrong about the time factor, but I was wrong not to write.

Over the last couple of months Catherine and I have seen a few different changes come about; mainly around work and training. I have worked with several new people, which has been both interesting and rewarding and have settled into my new role at the Apple store in Bondi. Catherine is working on work and that is a work in progress to be discussed at a later date (no more comments to be made). Both of us have been training for a marathon or half marathon, which has consumed a good deal of time and energy. On top of that we have continued to guide when we are able at Achilles run club on a Sunday morning. When possible I have run or cycled with a couple of the guys in the week as well.

I can't speak for Catherine when I say this, but I have found it a tiring time. I have willingly filled my time with working 5-7 days a week, training and volunteering, nobody has made me do it. So it is often less apparent to see that it is wearing you out. When you choose to do something you can commit your energy to it wholeheartedly and carry on pushing yourself because it was you alone that set out to do it. If you are made to do something, or it feels forced upon you it becomes tiring much sooner, because you don't want to commit energy to it and you fight against it.

The reason I am writing about this is because I have recently finished a book called "No more Mr Nice Guy" by Robert Glover. It has opened my eyes to why I am the way I am. On the face of it for most people I would appear to have most of my marbles and be in working order. However for years I have at times struggled with my mind and who I am. No I am not gay. Just to put that thought out of your heads! I am merely talking about what my purpose is and what I am doing with my life.
I have done a number of things in my life because I felt I should, or because I wanted to please people and make them happy, proud and/or like me. I didn't necessarily do them because I wanted to. However at the time I would've felt that I was making the decision in a positive way and that I was choosing to do these things. This has meant that I've not looked after myself and done things that made me happy. It led to depressions and contemplation of suicide. You see what I have come to realise is that we are not perfect, we should never be perfect and that is OK. Accepting that has taken all these years and a lot of tears.

Since reading the book in a matter of days I am now working through the exercises inside it in order to get what I want from life and make myself happy. This doesn't mean that Catherine doesn't make me happy, because she does. But the mind is a beautifully cursed thing. It will always ask questions or make you feel sad, even on the sunniest of Australian days. What I have to work on is not trying to be good, to be perfect in the eyes of others and to help other people. Yes these things are noble. But ultimately I am not doing the things that make me happy, like mountain biking, seeing friends, reading and writing. I still want to be great at what I do, but I am coming to accept the mistakes I make along the way and that it is not the end of the world if I'm not perfect at something.

Frankly is has been an enlightening and scary experience coming to live in Australia. Through the amazing friends we have made here I have developed as a person and am on the road back to being the chilled out person I used to be. I am writing to be honest with myself and be honest and open with all, so you can expect more from me soon.

Tom

A good day to run hard

After a month without chocolate and sweets I may have over indulged on Wednesday. I consumed an XL cookie, two XL Twixes, approximately five homemade cookies (at work), a Turkish delight cookie and two small pieces of chocolate. I know now that the two small pieces of chocolate tipped the balance on an otherwise healthy sugar consumption ;)

Despite gorging myself on sugary delightfulness I ran my tempo run yesterday morning and well and truly smashed it! I have been struggling with my tempo runs all month. I put this down to not eating enough carbs in the day and running late in the afternoon when blood sugar tends to drop off. I've felt like I had no fuel to push faster.

Normally I don't run in the morning as I am a lazy sloth that prefers the afternoon. The upsides to training first thing are numerous:

1) I get to run on fresh legs and with a fully rested body. If I'm doing construction work then the last thing I want to do is push my body to its limit at 4/5 in the afternoon.

2) I set my whole day up for accomplishment. Whether the run is amazing or it's a struggle I leave that session knowing that I've ticked off a big part of the day straightaway. It gives me motivation and momentum to get stuff done.

3) Post training I get to move about. Whether I'm at Apple or doing construction work I am moving around. I'm keeping my muscles working, pumping fresh blood into the areas that need it to recover from training. It keeps muscles loose and prevents cramps. If I train in the evening I'm going to be sitting, eating and watching TV after, leading to less blood circulating through the areas that need it.

4) It gives me energy and makes me happy. All that you hear about the runner's high is true. When you reach that point in a run you feel invincible and when you finish you are buzzing. I've woken up lately feeling crap for no reason, the grumpy old man arrives. I don't like being that person, so why not change it with a run in the morning?

The big realisation for me this week has been how much I need carbs. I'm not going to apologise to all those friends that don't have sugar or do paleo. For marathon running and for me personally I need carbs. It's true that we don't need it in the form of cookies and we could all make some changes to our diets. But I perform better when I eat carbs. That probably just means I need to eat more brown rice in the day (I already eat enough vegetables) and not rely on simple sugars. But there's something in our body that makes us feel good when we have carbs, they balance out our moods, our biochemistry. Like anything in life it is about moderation and having some self control. Once we find the balance that enables us to train, work and live a happy and fulfilled life then we should stick to that.

I'll update you on my progress next week. Tomorrow is a ten mile (16km) run and I'm carbing up today in a sensible way, so I'm looking forward to a good challenging run.

Happy training!

Tom :)


- Posted from the modern day type writer

I had a post....

I had written a post in the last week and I've lost it! I think it's in one of my writing books but I'm too lazy to find it now.

It was also a little bit sad and depressing, so rather than bring you down with that I'll cheer you with this news post instead.

I have finished my first week of training at Apple and it has been awesome! I have genuinely not been this pumped about a job since I was starting off as a fitness instructor back in '03.

I think the excitement of a new job is often greater than the reality you encounter when you start it. Possibly because you believe that you can have a big impact in life and then realise that you are constricted by the constraints of the business hierarchy or office politics.

It may sound like I'm still in that honeymoon phase of belief when I talk about Apple. But it's a fun place to be where I am genuinely helping people improve their lives everyday. Yes Andrew this may be at a price that most people can't afford, but there's added value above what other retailers offer. (Come see me in Bondi and we can talk it through ;))

My week has been busy and looking forward will continue in that vein for the foreseeable. Monday to Wednesday I will be demolishing bathrooms and kitchens and doing building rubbish pickups with Peter. Then I hope to get hours with Apple Thursday to Sunday to make a 7 day work week. This should help to save up some money for debt repayment, honeymoon and Apple gadgets (in that order of priority).

The weekend before last I helped my blind mate Cav to get to an organised day of track driving.

The day was organised by a family who's blind son had passed away. Through his life he had gone on track days organised for blind and visually impaired guys and girls. He had always loved the experience of driving and doing something normal that all of us take for granted. When he passed his sister wanted to bring a similar experience to Sydney as her brother had always had to go to Melbourne to take part. So by fundraising through family and friends and a little business sponsorship they raised the budget of $6,500 for the day.

The day was fantastic fun. Cav got to drive about 4 times on the track, 3 laps each time. With him was a qualified driving instructor with dual controls in case anything should happen. I chose to sit in the back and film so that I could share the experience with others and I have to say it wasn't scary at all! Ultimately it's just like guiding a runner, but everything happens quicker! After the driving experience there were passenger rides in hot rod cars and on the back of Harley Davidsons.

Whilst we were at the track one of the girls helping went and spoke to the company operating the skid pan. There they had drift cars pulling high speed slides around a course. When the boss heard what we were doing he told her to bring us over. So Cav and I went for it and had a great time being flung about the course. For Cav it brought back memories of his youth and the misbehaving he did whilst driving cars. In fact he was so relaxed he almost fell asleep! I on the other hand was like a small child on his first roller coaster, both thrilled and terrified at the same time!

The day was such a success that the family want to make it a permanent annual event. So I've chosen them as my next marathon fundraising recipient. When I go for sub 3:30 at Melbourne in October I'll be raising money for next year's track day. I'll keep you posted when the fundraising page goes live!

Catherine and I helped our friend Bill lat weekend to a new half marathon PB. Despite having issues with his hammies and knees from the halfway point, Bill stuck with it and finished 2 minutes quicker than earlier in the year. That was great going as he had to walk a great deal more than last time. We are always proud of the guys we guide and Bill in particular never fails to impress us. Great job mate!

Not much else to tell right now. But I'll be updating the runslothrun blog shortly as I've been a little slack on blogging.

Until next time,

Tom :)


- Posted from the modern day type writer

Yes I am mental

If you read my last post then you may be getting worried about me. Don't fear I am no more mental than usual.

Yesterday I caught up with a good mate that I hadn't seen in some time. Over a tasty barramundi burger we got chatting and he surprised me with his openness.
He told me that work wasn't great and that he'd been suffering with his mental health. Despite this he'd seeked the help of a therapist and is committed to beating what his mind has thrown at him.

I wasn't overly surprised at what he told me. Not because I thought he was susceptible but due to the large number of friends I have with similar problems. However I was pleasantly surprised by how open he was being because that is what helps combat the stigma of mental illness in society.

Mental illness covers a variety of problems including anxiety, depression and bipolar to name but a few. Here today I'm generally speaking about anxiety and depression.

I have no doubt that we will all experience mental illness as individuals at some point in our lives. So why is their such a stigma associated with being open about our problems?

Speaking as a man it is deemed a weakness to be open about our feelings. It doesn't sit well as our modern society has a 1950s mentality about this topic. We (men) are living under an old fashioned mantle of "men are strong and don't cry". This is utter bullshit.
However it is not limited to men because women are often the breadwinners, the sole parent and the business leader. They now have to assume this mantle of alleged toughness because society demands it.

If you take a look at numerous financial institutions, law firms or large businesses you will find a senior manager/board member that has suffered a breakdown. Trying to maintain a false image of strength and power whilst leading others through times of extreme stress takes its toll. Those people are just the ones you hear about in the media, smaller businesses have just as many casualties if not more.

I admire my friend and anyone else that puts their hand up and says "I have a mental illness, so what?" Those people that can be open and treat the problem before it gets worse can work to reduce or remove it. Personally I am always keen to improve myself. Having a mental illness isn't bad, nor is it something to be ashamed of. We shouldn't have to worry about what others think of us. The best thing you can do for your own sanity is to talk about it, let people know how you feel. If friends don't want to know then get rid of them, they are not worth their salt. If your workplace won't accommodate you then find a new career, because they are all forcing you to be someone else and live in a state of unhappiness. It's about time we were open and honest with ourselves and those around us.

Before I leave I can tell you one thing and it's probably something you've experienced through someone you know.
The path of mental illness leads to a forced end of life. It could be by heart attack from years of stress or by your own hand from depression. Having experienced the results of suicide of family and friends and contemplated it myself I can tell you it's not worth it. There is more to life than bottling your problems and letting them ferment until you explode. There is always a better choice.

Just talk. Just write. Just ask for help.

Keep smiling,

Tom : )