Living life

It is a sad day when anybody dies. Even more so when it is unexpected and by another's hand. This is the place we find ourselves in today after yesterday's tragic event at the Lindt store in Sydney's CBD. My thoughts go out to all those involved as it did with the victims of the London bombings and 9/11. It is no different to the feeling I have when I think about the thousands of innocent lives lost in Afghanistan and Iraq, people just living their lives one minute, then dead the next. Or any other tragedy, natural or man made that I have seen through the eyes of the media. I may have my own opinions, but really they don't matter, life is the important thing to remember here.

Through all my recent musings and feelings that I have written down, none of these are important when faced with the reality of life, which is death. Death is inevitable, no matter how much we try to avoid it. Life is inevitable too, it will go on, it will change, it will be good and it will be bad. We cannot change what happens ahead of us, it doesn't exist. We can only focus on the now and be present to what we say and do, because this is what will affect the future, both our own and others. Right now rather than voice our opinions and rattle our sabers we should do a couple of things. Be calm, collected and respectful of those that had their lives taken from them. Secondly we should reflect on the first and be thankful for our life right now, everything we have in this moment and everything we can experience, good and bad. That is all, no ranting and raving. Just a respectful attitude.

I was talking with a friend about what had happened and said to her that it reminded me of watching 9/11 unfold on my TV 13 years ago. I felt strangely detached watching those scenes, knowing that my sister was working in Manhattan and not knowing where she was. It was a surreal experience that I will never forget and one that surfaced watching yesterday's coverage. The World has always been a vicious place and always will be. Terrorism, wars and atrocities happen all over the globe, everyday. Yesterday should remind us how sheltered we are from all the terrible things that go on and how lucky we really are. We don't deal with bombs landing around us, IEDs lying on the streets and gunmen at every other window. All life is sacred wherever it may be in World.

Having a moment

There could definitely be a them to my blog posts at the moment. It's not "woe is me" stuff, but I am not exactly firing on all cylinders. After a recent blip or two I thought I would test out a couple of changes and see if it helped to keep me on track.

Today was my first day without a coffee. Not even one. Not even a sniff. Well maybe a sniff as I walked by a cafe this morning, but that was all. Cue headache. I'm not entirely sure if it was because of that alone or not drinking enough water, but I haven't had a headache in ages. Damn you coffee! Instead of coffee I'm just having a cuppa (tea) in the morning and if I'm at home, one in the afternoon. This experiment has two good outcomes. The first is that it saves me money. The second is that it may help my mood levels and stop me being insanely hyperactive and then miserable as fuck. Tomorrow (Saturday) is the day that Catherine and I visit our local cafe tomorrow. The hardest part will be sitting there and not having a coffee. Plus I can't have a cup of tea, because no cafe here can make tea like an Englishman (or woman, I'm not sexist). So I'll probably have to drink some of that herbal stuff (not the "green", although that could be an idea), possibly Camomile or Peppermint. Oh dear, what has become of me...

I am also cutting back on my sugar intake after eating a lot of cake for my birthday. I'm trying to support my body as I hit the weights in the gym and because you know, I gotta look good on the wedding day ;) This is also particularly difficult as I have a sweet tooth which is like a heroin addict, always searching for the next hit. Don't worry I am not about to do heroin, I have enough money problems without that too! I have been trying to eat more, to ensure I avoid craving sugar. This means nuts, protein and a bit more fat in my diet as I ensure I get enough calories in during the day.

I recently had this interesting chat with a friend at work. We talked about the difference between how we feel inside and what we actually show in our day to day lives. I found it an interesting idea, because we are often different people when we are at work compared with our off the clock selves. I have always been happy, enthusiastic and friendly at work. Outside of work I can be grumpy, tired and mean. I like to think that my actual character is in between; laid back and calm. When you do a customer service job everyday you can often feel inside like wanting to punch people in the face and tell them to stop being so fucking lazy. Naturally I just keep that in my mind as I am talking with them. I will obviously smile and be polite. But by doing that I actually tire myself out helping these lazy, privileged, needy people and as a result I have less energy to give to the people that matter in my life. That is quite sad isn't it?

I don't want to give the best of me to random strangers and then be a prick to the people I love. Hmm. My worst and best characteristic is my desire to help people. For my current job it is a gift and a curse. As much as I want to develop and change, I am not sure if this is something I can sufficiently change to equal a desirable outcome for myself. It's a trait I've developed over years and will probably take as long to unlearn. Well these are the musings I have to deal with in my head on a daily basis, so welcome to my crazy little world.

On a positive note I have the day off tomorrow to train and read before meeting Catherine to celebrate her birthday. Now that I've had a rant and got rid of some negativity I hope I will be much happier for those people I love tomorrow.

Enjoy the weekend wherever you are.

Tom :)

Wondering, wandering, pondering.

As you may know I love to write. Earlier this week I arrived to work early and decided to use the time to sit and scribble some thoughts down about writing. My thinking wasn't a revelation, nor would it save the world, but it reminded me the simplest activities can hold the greatest enjoyment.

Now I have always enjoyed writing, but reading takes first prize when I choose between the two. Being a daydreamer extraordinaire it is easy for me to be transported to another world when I read a good book. For this reason it is a form of escape that is both easy and cheap. I don't need to speak to anyone, I don't need to do anything but use my eyes and let my mind do the rest. I love reading so much that I often have two or three books on the go at the same time. Depending on my state of mind and fatigue will determine what I read. If I'm travelling somewhere during the day I will read a non-fiction book, as my brain has the energy to absorb it. When my working day is over, I like nothing better than to turn the pages of a good fiction book and let my minder wander.

When it comes to my writing I am frequently eclipsed by the material that I peruse. I love Hemingway not just because he was an alcoholic and a master writer, but because he produced classics that were so descriptive I could picture myself there in the moment. Now I am reading one of Alexandre Dumas's books, The Count of Monte Cristo. I will read a classic or a new hit and marvel in the ease with which they flow. Naturally a great deal of time and effort has been expended by a great many people before the book reaches the reader. But when you read and enjoy these amazing books you can't help but wish you could emulate them. It most certainly would be a pipe dream with my current writing, but it doesn't stop me trying. My only problem is overcoming my daydreaming mind long enough to make use of my free time and write something coherent yet creative.

As my major goal requires efforts of concentration and consistency that only an author can commit I am starting off small. As I wrote the other day I am trying to write everyday. My hope was to do an hour a day, but perhaps half an hour is more realistic. Either way I can only start towards improving my writing (and concentration) through regular practice. These posts are all part of that and go hand in hand with my short story writing in an effort to write in a structured way. Good god! Structure? Consistency? Commitment? What is becoming of me? I must be getting old ;)

My ultimate aspiration would be to write one piece, which one person in the world smiled at and enjoyed. One piece which enabled that reader to see all the characters and settings as if they knew those people and places first hand. A book that made one person want to read more and write a little. Right now that seems like the hardest task in the world, but an enjoyable journey none the less.

T :)

Training an old man

December 4th

Day off time! I was expecting to be working with Steve today, but the jobs he had lined up fell through. So I have time to type a few words, get a haircut and get a few things sorted.

This morning was not an early start. I was sleeping quite soundly when Catherine woke up, saw the time and launched into action. She had managed to set her alarm for 550pm rather than 550am and as a result had awoken with a start at 720am. I was happy that she had mistakenly forced a rest on herself, but was less pleased at being given a minor heart attack. I chose to get up a short time later in order to make the most of the day and the adrenaline surging through my veins.

This morning’s gym session was legs and back. At the moment I am doing a split training program, which means I train different areas on different days. This was my third session of the week, having started on Tuesday and trained each day since. My split routine consists of back and legs on days 1&3 and chest and arms on days 2&4. I don’t always do all the sessions concurrently, but I find it easier to keep consistency by doing it that way. The structure of the program means I have 48 hours rest for the muscles worked in each session. In the future I may add an additional body weight session at the weekend just to stop my muscles going stale with two days off over the weekend.

From next week I am starting a new program called escalating density training or EDT. You can read a little more about it here. I started Catherine on the program this week and she was feeling it by the end. No matter how many years you have trained for, there is always something new you can try to push yourself harder. Essentially you perform back to back sets of two exercises for 20 minutes using your ten rep max weight, but only performing 5-6 reps for each set, therefore not reaching failure until much later in the session.

For example:

I could do Deadlifts with 90kg for 6 reps, 

followed straight after with 6 reps of dumbbell chest press using 27.5kg dumbbells.

I repeat these two exercises back and forth for 20 minutes, no rest between. Towards the end of this 20 minutes I should only be getting 1-3 reps out per set if I have the weight right. 

I end up lifting a huge amount of weight, but without overloading early on, or without sacrificing form. Naturally I wouldn’t suggest this to beginners as they may not keep good form or have the appropriate core strength for the whole 20 minutes. I myself haven’t been back to the weights for that long, but I spent the last four weeks working on building a base. Realistically I should really be doing this for another four weeks, but I feel pretty good in my endurance and my form is holding up really well. I basically haven’t gone nuts like the 20 year old version of myself! I will look at using the EDT for the next month to 8 weeks, before returning to the endurance split.

Tomorrow I will probably do my ten rep max tests as my training session, so that I can start next week on the right weight. I’ll let you know how they turn out, so we can all see my progress (provided I make some ;))

Right enough chatter for now, I have some more chores to do and mullet to get chopped. Oh and I have a new book to download - The Power of Now. I do like my philosophising and have wanted to read this for awhile now. I’ll let you know how quickly I scoot through it.

Until tomorrow,

Tom :)

Stumbling

So my first update is here since I made a promise to myself to do more with my time. Like a donkey running the Melbourne Cup/Grand National I have fallen at the first fence. 

This hiccup occurred by me snoozing my first 5am alarm. I did still get to the gym for 630am and got my training in before work, so not all was lost. Day two saw a strange thing happen, I snoozed my 5am alarm. Clearly this challenge may take a little time to come to fruition. Regardless of my reluctance to get up with the birds (they are bloody noisy) I still got my gym training in and cooked before heading off to work.

So day three is tomorrow and I am now free all day. I was expecting to work with Steve doing some labouring or carpenteering, but his plans have fallen through. This means my plans for creating time early in the day are not so desperate this week as I will have a full 8 hours for writing and planning. Hopefully I can finish off my first short story and get my other projects on track.

Training for Catherine and myself is going well. Whilst Catherine trains for her 1km open water swim in January (amongst other things), I am training for strength. This is mainly because it is too bloody hot to run in the summer, nobody wants to see an Englishman melt! Having said that we will both resume regular running options in January to train for the next marathon because I want to run a sub 3hr 30 time. No rest for the wicked!

I had better get off because I need to plan Catherine's birthday present. I'll probably not be up at 5am tomorrow, but will aim for an early start in order to do the gym before I get cracking on the writing.

Until then ladies and gentlemen,

Tom :)

Forgive me for my ramblings

Bog post Dec 1st

I am trying to type regular blog posts, which aren’t just me writing doom and gloom. But at the moment when I get the chance to sit and type out a post the things that come to mind aren’t positive. Recently there have been a couple of posts that weren’t even worth posting, they just sat on my computer as drafts, never to see the light of day and be released on the interweb. This is probably for the better as it may not serve a great purpose. I think I’m fairly honest on these posts, which potentially helps others to see that those positive, “happy” people aren’t perfect (nor do they want to be) and don’t have everything straight.

We are again at that time of year when I officially grow older and lament the time I feel I have wasted in the past. It is by chance that I am reading The Count of Monte Cristo and at the same time struggling with what I am doing in life. I won’t bore you with the details, as the book is a classic and well worth a read, but the main character finds his calling whilst in prison. Admittedly this calling is revenge on the people who wrongfully imprisoned him, nevertheless it motivates him to extraordinary feats. With the help of his adjacent cell mate he learns several languages and educates himself to a level of high society. He is amazed at how much he has missed over the years, but puts himself to learning everyday in order to improve, without knowing whether he will escape or not.

The thing that frustrates me is that I could be doing so much more, but I don’t know where to begin. In taking the advice I would give others in personal training, I have to start at the beginning, do something everyday and be consistent. At least I know what I have to do!

My thoughts about where I go from here are simple. I have to increase the time I have each day. If I am going to be working 6 days a week for the next year, I have to create a day somewhere. The simple solution is to get up early, perhaps 5am, spend an hour writing and learning before heading to the gym for an hour. Then if I am lucky enough to start late I can learn some more, before I have to go and earn a crust. I think I am most productive (not most talkative) at those crazy early times in the morning. This is probably for two reasons. Firstly because I am unable to process many thoughts, so my mind can’t wander. Secondly because I don’t like to talk first thing in the morning, so I can set my energies to absorbing and writing instead.

So I suppose this is me letting you know that I will be tapping out a few words each morning (post learning of course) to update you. Perhaps my French and Italian language skills will develop, along with my short stories. At least I will feel accountable to whoever may read this, even if you aren’t asking me how it is going. So in that I thank you and hope that you find some enjoyment in reading these crazy scribblings. 

Bon soir!

Tom

Calm down dear...

26th November

How time flies. Just over two years ago we arrived in Sydney and have since enjoyed a couple of different jobs and making numerous new friends along the way. I still struggle when summer comes round; Christmas isn’t far away, yet it’s 25 degrees outside. It’s also not long until my birthday and it feels like only yesterday that I was celebrating it with Mike, Laura and Catherine in York. Crazy how time flies.

It is my nephew’s second birthday soon and it is painful to think that we haven’t been there for his first two years. With his sisters Ava and Vivi I was there to help out when they were little and see them grow into little people. The cost of enjoying our life down under is missing out on those moments with my nephew and nieces, family and friends. That is our choice by being here, but don’t think it is an easy one to swallow. 

I’ve been enjoying my journey of self destruction lately, but am now focussing on a return to a normal life. It seems that I am unable to doing things like normal people. I am fine with that as I don’t wish to be completely normal, that would be boring! However I have discovered that I am a bit “all or nothing”. When I was doing PT back home I would either be working whenever I could or not much at all, consistency was not in my arsenal of skills. I was disorganised and had terrible time management/chatting issues. I am still working on the latter, but the others have improved. This is thanks to the efforts/nagging/love of Catherine and putting up with my highs and lows, the last being the worst for anyone to have to live through. There are days when I wish I was just normal; able to work consistently, have a normal mind, be able to control my extremes.

It is writing like this that helps in the above regard. By typing (the hand written stuff is too dark to share) I can tell everyone and nobody in particular how I feel. I don’t do well at talking about how I feel, unless someone else is in dire straits and it helps them by sharing. But give me a keyboard or a random note book and that page will feel the worst of my mind. Nobody gives you an instruction manual on your mind and body, you just have to figure out what works best for you. Some just bottle it up and finish off badly for it. Some turn to drink and drugs, even exercise to vent. There are also those that write, draw, paint or play music to relax. I seem to have done a little bit of everything lately, oops!

Sometimes you don’t need yoga, meditation or a life changing experience to see that you are going about things incorrectly. It helps to have someone close that knows you to be a mirror for your actions. Without that I’d probably succeed in self destructing.

So I am working on a return to the old version of me being relaxed, but with the new version of me being more organised. Out with stressing about work and money and in with spending time with friends. Good bye to excessive drinking, hello to saving for an amazing trip home next year. Let’s see if I can make this a habit I stick to. Consistency and normality here I come!