Parental Bloody Advisory

Parental Advisory (you’ve been warned!)

Sometimes life calls for carbs

 I have been writing all this week about my thoughts and feelings through each day. It’s a practice of awareness, which is meant to help me spot triggers and trends when it comes to negative thinking and prevent a downward spiral before it occurs. It certainly helps because it is easy to “wallow” in a negative loop. It is easier than fighting against it with rational thought. A lot of people say this is where you need to be positive and look on the bright side. That’s all very well, but if you think depression is that easy than you really have no idea. In fact forget depression, if you were in a bad mood and someone said “cheer up mate, look at all the good things you have in your life”, do you think it would help? Do you think you’d miraculously feel better? I digress, my message is that writing a simple few lines or words on thoughts and feelings helps, so give it a go.

So let me be honest with you about my thoughts and feelings this week. In fact I have been dealing with this for a long time now, not just the last seven days. I have an overriding lack of excitement in life and this pervades everything. Alongside that I think “will I ever feel in the way I used to”. This sounds nuts as I write it. But I’ve thought and written more crazy shit in my life, so this is nothing new. In all honesty I’ve been thinking like this since I was a teenager (fucking hormones) and in some ways it just becomes tiring. Now I am an aware motherfucker, I can see the positive and amazing things in my life. I have a fantastic wife, I enjoy work, I live near the beach in a warm climate, life by all accounts is perfect. So why have the last two years been my worst for depression since I was a teenager? For me there has always been more to life than what most people are content with and this has led me down a rocky road. I am dealing with it by going back to basics. I’m doing all the small things I can that give me joy and working on being mindful and present each day. It’s not that I can’t experience happiness because I do; I laugh and smile like normal people, just not as often.

I was chatting with two of my oldest and dearest friends the other day, both of whom have serious health problems of their own. It was a brief catch up, just to check in on each other really. But after it I felt old, old in the sense that we all had health problems beyond our years. We have all used and abused our bodies and in some way it is catching up with us. I felt worry for two awesome, talented people, but it reminded me to keep in touch with those I love. Life is as long as a piece of string, we just don’t know which end of the ball we are given.

Fuck I don’t really know where this post was going, it certainly isn’t a helpful one for others. But it helps me and that is the only reason I keep writing this thing.

I will be taking myself off now to meditate and then read a little in order to stabilise this brain of mine. Keep watching MrStevensWrites for more positive, action taking posts than this.

Keep on keeping on wherever you are.

Tom