Doubt

For many the word above is a powerful one which rules their state of mind and lives. Whether you have depression or not I'm sure you will recognise it. Sometimes it comes as a feeling or is heard as a voice. Like that slightly racist, overly chatty neighbour you try and avoid, doubt will present itself at the most inconvenient moment.

Everyone feels doubt. Don't they? Well that's just an accepted statement that I have no way of proving. But it would make sense that if you have never felt the 'D' then you are in a very small minority and should probably consider running for President. It is a part of life like breathing and eating, but is it a bad thing? We could spend hours delving deep into our psyches as to the cause of our doubts. Like that moment when I was 8 and my Dad didn't reassure me after failing to nail that armstand back double somersault at our local pool. How that must have affected me!

Perspective.
My tattoo viewed from the side contains a smily face
 with a magnificent beard.

I digress. Everyone feels/hears/sees doubt, but clearly it affects people differently. I have only recently learnt through my meditation and reading that there is nothing wrong with doubt. It may help in certain situations by protecting us both mentally and physically. If we have failed at an action in the past then our brains may produce doubt when trying to repeat that action in order to warn us and prevent failure/injury/death. It may be as simple as our brains exerting our caveman instincts in order to save our lives. But we get all caught up in the emotion and let our brains run away with a negative loop.

So doubt is negative? It is if you let it be, if you let your mind start a negative dialogue about how crap you are at pool diving. Quite simply doubt is just a thought, a feeling, a set of emotions rolled together. It is really no different to love or happiness. It serves an excellent purpose if we take time to listen and take the appropriate action. Doubt like happiness should be observed and recognised for what it really is, a fleeting emotional state. Neither last forever, but both will come and go throughout our lives. 

What is the "appropriate action" you speak of? Well often the best action is to do nothing. Just being aware that you are having these thoughts and when they popped into your head is a lesson. We humans are so worked up about finding a solution to our problems that we forget to just experience. We can learn more from listening and observing our minds than anyone can teach us. 

This is not the doors in question. But they did go in that hole.

For example today I felt doubt when I was fitting a pair of doors. I started to have feelings of nervousness and anxiety. I won't lie it slowed me down and I started to get angry with myself for taking so long. This came about because I always want things to be perfect, but I haven't been fitting a lot of doors lately, so I'm slow, I take my time so as not to make a mistake. I can't be perfect without a lot more experience and time spent fitting doors. So I took a breath, noted why I was feeling this way and just carried on. The feeling didn't go away, but I didn't make any huge mistakes and I learnt a few things along the way. I knew there was nothing I could actively do about feeling doubt other than carry on and prove to my brain that it's ok. Often the best thing to do is stop, breathe deeply and tell yourself "I've been through worse, I've got this shit." 

Conclusion
Doubt has become one of my new friends when it comes to learning my brain. If I experience doubt now I can observe when it came up and see if there's anything I can do about it. The same goes for when I feel an episode of depression coming along. I thing back over the last few days and can normally identify what I have or haven't done to cause it. Then I learn from that and make changes for the future. You know the wondrous thing I have learnt over the least year is that if we stop and listen our brains will tell us exactly what we need to be doing. So next time you feel doubt just thank your brain, note when it came up and breathe!