Fear

Fear

Hey I may have written about this topic before, but ideas are constantly changing in my brain, so there might be an evolution of any previous “chat” I have had about this.

Let me start by asking you two questions. What is your greatest fear? When did you learn it?

I will answer these questions myself, but please feel free to write down or say aloud your answers. Getting them out of your head does help in dealing with them.

I would say my greatest fear is a fear of failure, of letting people down and others looking at me with disappointment etched on their faces.

The second question is much harder to answer, I really have to think back about that, so give me a minute… Ok I think I have it. I would say that I began learning this fear back in primary school, possibly around the age of five. It might have been before that but I remember my school reports from back then consisted of a tone of disappointment from the teachers. “If Thomas applied himself as much to his work as he did to daydreaming he would be an excellent student”. Ok that’s not word for word, but that particular comment has been powerful enough to stay with me for years. I read my other reports from primary school a few years ago and they carry the same sort of comments, so I was learning that fear of letting people down and “failing” in their eyes from an early age.

Cut to the present day and I generally don’t give a shit what other people think. I’ve probably developed this attitude as a way of getting on with life and not taking the usual road like everybody else. I do take on board what those closest to me think. But I save my respect and listening to those few friends who have tried, “failed” and get back up and do it again having learnt and developed themselves. I can number these people on one hand.

Having worked on meditating and educating myself over the last year I am starting to appreciate my thoughts and feelings for what they truly are. They are just thoughts and feelings! Nothing to get caught up in, but something to take notice of and observe. Sometimes they require an action, but not always. They do not define me, who I am. But if I let them they will. Much like if I let other people’s opinions affect me and put me down. Rather than choose this path I can choose to use these fears as motivators, something to push me onward to trying new things regardless of whether they are “safe and successful” or “fearsome and failures”. This may sound like a commercial for a Tony Robbins seminar, but it’s not. My seminars will only cost you $4,999!

Where was I? Ah yes being pushed along by fear. So I am now confronting fear of failure by setting out to do my own work in carpentry, to do all the things that I am scared of. By doing this I can prove to my brain that reality isn’t as bad as what my brain constructs. But even if it was, what difference would it make? It wouldn’t hurt me unless I really fail with a power tool, oops! More than likely it would just mean a short period of embarrassment and shame before going back to normal. Not exactly something to be really scared of is it?

Obviously this is the start of a long process for me to learn new habits that will replace several bad ones. As positive as I sound now I still have doubts, negative feelings and thoughts. But rather than let them hold me back I am embracing them in order to rise to the challenge. I am sure I will fail along the way. As long as I learn something from that failure then it will be a success that I can use to better myself. The ultimate goal is still to be calm in my mind and not fluctuate to extremes in either direction. I feel I am only part of the way there.

Tom :)