Over a year ago I set out with a simple goal. To reach a place where my mind was calm and I was contented. That might be two goals actually, but let's not split hairs. After a liberal dose of meditation, a dash of new habits and a whole meaty chunk of acceptance I feel I am close to that goal.
One of my aims from my book was to start making life more simple and straight forward. That means reducing the use of social media, cutting out bad/dead relationships and focusing what I can act on each day. It transpires that when you do the simple things that you love (like ride a bike or read) regularly you can dramatically change your mind's state. It's a long held belief that a healthy body means a healthy mind, something I have seen as a personal trainer over the years. Sometimes it can be the simple forms of play, time spent with friends or just watching the world go by that reset our brains. Rather than drowning in our troubles, stresses and worries we can choose to do the things we enjoy and take a moment away from thinking. In doing this we can balance out the shit in our lives which we choose to hold onto and exaggerate in our heads. I am not saying avoid the problem but rather take the time to enjoy, because when you return to those problems you'll either solve the riddle or accept them as they are, problems not physical monsters. Unless you are Harry Potter and actually have to fight physical monsters, in which case, fair play.
Look I am no bloody expert, I certainly have no fancy degree nor yogi status. But I have been in some fucked up mental places in this short life and having come out the other side I can relate to what those suffering feel. I think that in today's society it is insane that suicide rates are growing. I say that with the irony that even I contemplated it through my twenties. It is crazy because we have the technology and knowledge to help ourselves and each other a thousand times over. Yet we live our lives further apart than ever before, we have lost our communities and the simplest acts of helping each other. Lord knows that we can help ourselves, yet we revel in our misery in a masochistic way without seeking help. For change to happen we have to change ourselves and be there for others that want to change too. I hope that in some small way this blog tells those people that I am here for you.
There are no secrets to a calm and contented life, it's been around since we were pooing on the African savannah and chasing animals for a meal. So will you make your life simple? Will you choose simplicity or be a slave to the drama, the darkness of your mind and the bullshit of the modern world? I know that is what I want.
For now rant over,
Tom :)
Saturday 14 January 2017
Wednesday 11 January 2017
Training, illness and the power of the mind
It's a long title I'll admit, but sometimes a description is easier and more straight forward than clever wordplay.
Having returned from the UK on Sunday with a cold (not man flu) that had me hacking up my lungs, I am now on the mend. I dipped my toe back into fitness training last Friday using a simple calisthenics program devised by Frank Medrano. If you haven't heard of him or seen his YouTube videos then just google him, it's impressive stuff. Sadly the flight made my cold a lot worse, so I got some antibiotics from the doctor to help move it along. It is steadily improving with me able to complete strength training yesterday and today. My breathing is still a struggle though, so I'll be avoiding cardio for a little longer so as not to make things worse. Next week marathon training begins in earnest so I need to make sure I am 100% before starting down that road!
The reason that I filled you in on my illness and training was to link into a focus of mine over the last few months. It is a tool that I have included in the latter stages of my book Grumpy Man because it is so powerful and yet so simple. It is quite simply about taking action. My greatest weakness (and often greatest attribute) is that I am a thinker, a daydreamer. I have always been this way and am not concerned about it at all, because I know that I can work on it through taking action.
Whether it is thinking and planning before returning to fitness after time off, or just day to day I can always have a beneficial effect on my mind, but taking the simplest path, by JUST DOING IT. Yes it is great to have a plan and be prepared, but not if it throws up barriers to you doing the work. We can talk all day about what is the best training routine or the best diet until the cows come home, but we won't get anywhere if we don't take that first step. Take my training routine for example. I don't need my gym to complete it, it is made up of simple bodyweight exercises that require no equipment. It is so easy for me to do that I don't need to think about it, worry about my technique or concern myself with the rest periods. I can JUST DO IT.
This approach is something I can apply to all of my life. By keeping the actions stupidly simple I can collect small wins, which not only help me mentally, but also break down larger goals and problems. Too often in the past I haven't started tasks because I think too much about the whole rather than just taking the first small steps of action.
My strongest habit is thinking, which leads me down paths that are often unnecessary and destructive. Having worked my way out of depression using many different tools it is now action which gives me the greatest results. It is a minnow of a habit when compared to the whale of thinking, but given enough practice and patience it will grow to be a strength of mine. If that means I take less on, but get more done then so be it. We all have to live life intelligently if we want to get the most out of it and strangely that sometimes means not thinking too hard, but just getting shit done.
Tom :)
Having returned from the UK on Sunday with a cold (not man flu) that had me hacking up my lungs, I am now on the mend. I dipped my toe back into fitness training last Friday using a simple calisthenics program devised by Frank Medrano. If you haven't heard of him or seen his YouTube videos then just google him, it's impressive stuff. Sadly the flight made my cold a lot worse, so I got some antibiotics from the doctor to help move it along. It is steadily improving with me able to complete strength training yesterday and today. My breathing is still a struggle though, so I'll be avoiding cardio for a little longer so as not to make things worse. Next week marathon training begins in earnest so I need to make sure I am 100% before starting down that road!
The reason that I filled you in on my illness and training was to link into a focus of mine over the last few months. It is a tool that I have included in the latter stages of my book Grumpy Man because it is so powerful and yet so simple. It is quite simply about taking action. My greatest weakness (and often greatest attribute) is that I am a thinker, a daydreamer. I have always been this way and am not concerned about it at all, because I know that I can work on it through taking action.
Whether it is thinking and planning before returning to fitness after time off, or just day to day I can always have a beneficial effect on my mind, but taking the simplest path, by JUST DOING IT. Yes it is great to have a plan and be prepared, but not if it throws up barriers to you doing the work. We can talk all day about what is the best training routine or the best diet until the cows come home, but we won't get anywhere if we don't take that first step. Take my training routine for example. I don't need my gym to complete it, it is made up of simple bodyweight exercises that require no equipment. It is so easy for me to do that I don't need to think about it, worry about my technique or concern myself with the rest periods. I can JUST DO IT.
This approach is something I can apply to all of my life. By keeping the actions stupidly simple I can collect small wins, which not only help me mentally, but also break down larger goals and problems. Too often in the past I haven't started tasks because I think too much about the whole rather than just taking the first small steps of action.
My strongest habit is thinking, which leads me down paths that are often unnecessary and destructive. Having worked my way out of depression using many different tools it is now action which gives me the greatest results. It is a minnow of a habit when compared to the whale of thinking, but given enough practice and patience it will grow to be a strength of mine. If that means I take less on, but get more done then so be it. We all have to live life intelligently if we want to get the most out of it and strangely that sometimes means not thinking too hard, but just getting shit done.
Tom :)
Sunday 8 January 2017
Return home
We have returned to Sydney after two weeks away in England and then Singapore. Our trip back was great, particularly seeing family and friends, some of whom I haven’t seen for two years. But it feels good to be back here especially returning from the cold of the English winter to the heat of the Sydney summer.
Our trip was a whistle stop tour of Manchester, Salisbury, Essex, Walton-on-Thames and London, with a cheeky three day stop off in Singapore on the way home. These trips are no longer holidays so much as a family and friend catchup. Seeing everybody is a treat that we savour for the short time spent with our closest people. But everyday we see someone else and then say goodbye to them for another year or more. We cram in catchups with as many people as mentally possible because we want to see them. It is exhausting, not physically but emotionally and mentally, because saying goodbye multiple times over takes a little out of you each time. It is also a privilege to be able to experience that, because if Catherine didn’t earn what she does then we wouldn’t be saying hellos and goodbyes in person, but rather on the phone.
This may sound to you as though I am complaining and that I should be grateful that I have the opportunity. Well I am grateful, I bloody love seeing my family and friends. Would I like to see them more? Of course. But Catherine and I made the decision to move to Australia to experience a new life and travel. The cost is that we don’t live so close to those we love, we can’t just organise a weekend away to see them. Instead we live a great life near the beach with a handful of awesome friends. It’s our home where friends and family can come and visit and relax with us. I am extremely grateful for that and over the past year of improving my mental state I have come to enjoy each day I am here a great deal more.
Now that we are home I have returned to my routine of meditation, writing and reading. I am now throwing in regular exercise and a handful of other tools to create a better mental state for myself. I have not been able to finish my book by the end of 2016 as planned. But whilst away I had some great ideas and added new content to the book. The result of this is that I am following exactly what I have written because I like to practice what I preach in life. If you are interested in getting a copy of the book just send me a short email at tjalfry@icloud.com and I will send you one when it’s completed soon.
I’ll chat to you again soon but before I do I will leave you with this piece of wisdom:
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. – Lao Tzu
Tom :)
Our trip was a whistle stop tour of Manchester, Salisbury, Essex, Walton-on-Thames and London, with a cheeky three day stop off in Singapore on the way home. These trips are no longer holidays so much as a family and friend catchup. Seeing everybody is a treat that we savour for the short time spent with our closest people. But everyday we see someone else and then say goodbye to them for another year or more. We cram in catchups with as many people as mentally possible because we want to see them. It is exhausting, not physically but emotionally and mentally, because saying goodbye multiple times over takes a little out of you each time. It is also a privilege to be able to experience that, because if Catherine didn’t earn what she does then we wouldn’t be saying hellos and goodbyes in person, but rather on the phone.
This may sound to you as though I am complaining and that I should be grateful that I have the opportunity. Well I am grateful, I bloody love seeing my family and friends. Would I like to see them more? Of course. But Catherine and I made the decision to move to Australia to experience a new life and travel. The cost is that we don’t live so close to those we love, we can’t just organise a weekend away to see them. Instead we live a great life near the beach with a handful of awesome friends. It’s our home where friends and family can come and visit and relax with us. I am extremely grateful for that and over the past year of improving my mental state I have come to enjoy each day I am here a great deal more.
Now that we are home I have returned to my routine of meditation, writing and reading. I am now throwing in regular exercise and a handful of other tools to create a better mental state for myself. I have not been able to finish my book by the end of 2016 as planned. But whilst away I had some great ideas and added new content to the book. The result of this is that I am following exactly what I have written because I like to practice what I preach in life. If you are interested in getting a copy of the book just send me a short email at tjalfry@icloud.com and I will send you one when it’s completed soon.
I’ll chat to you again soon but before I do I will leave you with this piece of wisdom:
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. – Lao Tzu
Tom :)
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