Loving (and hating) a challenge

Life is full of challenges, from personal problems to marathon running events. The only perceived difference is that there are those we choose and those that choose us. But what if all the challenges we face in life are of our own choice?

How we react to life's challenges is certainly our choice. I'll admit that it is hard to react positively to a perceived negative situation, but sometimes the best reaction is none at all. All we can do is control ourselves and be responsible for our actions. We can't control others (even if we think we can) or their actions, but we can choose how to react to them. By choosing to react defensively or aggressively and let people or situations bring us down we drain ourselves. We upset the homeostasis of our bodies by increasing stress hormones or by disrupting our sleep patterns. At best we are unhappy and sad and worst we are helping in destroying our own health.

The reason I write about this is because I have been experiencing first hand these challenges. I have been working on not being so nice at work and being stronger in my resolve. I have accepted these challenges gladly as an opportunity to learn and grow. However I have also let them get me down and so I have chosen to be sad and tired.

At the end of the day it is only a job, this whole thing is only life. It is not not life and death, so I should be able to stand happy at the day's end. I have been dreaming about work, which only happens when I worry about it a great deal. When I used to worry about my fitness business I would wake up doing pad work in my sleep. I'd rather not be in that place again. That feeling is like a mist that pervades my every pore, it makes me doubt myself and worry unnecessarily. But it is only my mind that creates that feeling, only my choice to react that way.

As humans we love to have something or someone to blame, we love a good moan. Often we are incapable of accepting responsibility when we do something wrong or we choose to act a certain way. "He made me so mad!" "Work has stressed me out and now I feel depressed." Our reactions to these situations or people are merely a choice and our responsibility. I am not perfect (and I'm ok with that), but I recognise my faults and I choose to accept and learn from them. I also choose to be happy, calm and energised for the challenges ahead. After all no one can do these things for me.

Tom

Woodwork work

Yesterday I had the opportunity to work with two flooring specialists on a floating floor in Campbelltown at a new home build. It was a great learning experience and fun working with the guys.

The two chaps are father and son and need someone to come on board that they can train up to help them free up time for other jobs. The tricky part for me has been deciding what to do. I think fear and worry about not being good enough and letting Apple down has been in my mind. But after reading through my "No more Mr Nice Guy" (NMMNG) book I have seen that this is the old me thinking. What I need to do is think about myself and what I want to do. The old me would always worry about letting others down at the expense of doing what I wanted and as a result being unhappy and resentful (even though I created the situation!)

With that firmly in my mind it is in my power to choose what I want, all that I need to figure out is which days to make myself free. Then I can prepare for some long working weeks ahead and hopefully a more stable income!

I forgot to take photos yesterday of the floor, but the guys are Brazilian hardwood specialists. So the skills and knowledge they have will be priceless for me and it helps a lot that they are nice guys and easy to get on with. Aside from the solid and floating floors they also do decking, 2nd fix carpentry and joinery. Their plan in the future is to expand, so it has great potential to be a varied and rewarding job.

Today Catherine and I are catching up with a number of friends and watching the Super rugby semi final between the Waratahs and the Brumbies at the Allianz stadium in Sydney. It should be a big match as the "Tahs" are on fire at the moment. Come on Izzy!!

Tomorrow I have a lovely 29km run to do as part of marathon training and then I'm off to the flooring workshop for 4 hours to help make show demo frames. I'll post photos to show what they are next week.

Have a good weekend guys.

Tom: )

Roll on Friday!

Do you ever get those weeks where you forget what day it was, think that it's much closer to the weekend and then realise that it is still only Tuesday? That's the week that I am having so far. I think the half marathon has killed what little brain cells I had left.

Today was a good day at work, but also trying at the same time. Trying to change youself for the better is a tiring and long process, much like trying to clean a floor with a toothbrush. The good thing about working at my new place is that I get regular feedback. The bad side to this is that it is often to do with areas that I already know need work. It gets repeated to me often enough each week that it actually becomes infuriating. Mainly because I am trying not to do things that I have done for two decades and that doesn't change overnight, no matter who you are.

I have recently begun using Pocketbook, a great budgeting app that once given access to your bank account (much like Mint in the UK) can help you to budget successfully. I have set a spending limit for things like food (outside of groceries), coffee and any social stuff. I am only into the second week of using this handy app and have discovered a few interesting things:

1. I don't have enough money
2. I spend too much money
3. I have to cut out a lot of expenditure.

As a result of this enlightenment I have had to make some painful cuts. Feeling much like George Osborne after his first budget I have had to make some drastic cuts, which are going to make me unpopular. Although in this case I will only be unpopular with myself (read cold turkey on caffeine). This budget cuts look like this:

1. Cancel yoga membership. I have fallen off the wagon of two regular sessions a week since my new job began and even then it was a push to justify it.
2. Reduce my weekly coffee spend by 50%. Insanely I reckon I spend between $30 & $50 a week. I bloody love coffee, but I need to get that under control!
3. Reduce bus usage by 50%. This is an approximate figure, but basically it means "stop being lazy and just walk!" 
4.  Cut out snack purchases. Ultimately I need to be organised and pack lunch and dinner for work everyday. I just have to be prepared, so that I never need to buy lunch or snacks.

So I am now preparing for the severity of these cuts with a cold beer (I had bought them pre-budget) and some nuts. I feel like the next month is going to be tough, but then I should be ok. I'll keep you posted with how it goes.

I'll update you on Friday as I have a late shift tomorrow.

Tom

An update

I have been absent from writing for some time now. A couple of months ago I wanted to focus on work, training and volunteering and didn't think I would have any free time to write my blog. I wasn't wrong about the time factor, but I was wrong not to write.

Over the last couple of months Catherine and I have seen a few different changes come about; mainly around work and training. I have worked with several new people, which has been both interesting and rewarding and have settled into my new role at the Apple store in Bondi. Catherine is working on work and that is a work in progress to be discussed at a later date (no more comments to be made). Both of us have been training for a marathon or half marathon, which has consumed a good deal of time and energy. On top of that we have continued to guide when we are able at Achilles run club on a Sunday morning. When possible I have run or cycled with a couple of the guys in the week as well.

I can't speak for Catherine when I say this, but I have found it a tiring time. I have willingly filled my time with working 5-7 days a week, training and volunteering, nobody has made me do it. So it is often less apparent to see that it is wearing you out. When you choose to do something you can commit your energy to it wholeheartedly and carry on pushing yourself because it was you alone that set out to do it. If you are made to do something, or it feels forced upon you it becomes tiring much sooner, because you don't want to commit energy to it and you fight against it.

The reason I am writing about this is because I have recently finished a book called "No more Mr Nice Guy" by Robert Glover. It has opened my eyes to why I am the way I am. On the face of it for most people I would appear to have most of my marbles and be in working order. However for years I have at times struggled with my mind and who I am. No I am not gay. Just to put that thought out of your heads! I am merely talking about what my purpose is and what I am doing with my life.
I have done a number of things in my life because I felt I should, or because I wanted to please people and make them happy, proud and/or like me. I didn't necessarily do them because I wanted to. However at the time I would've felt that I was making the decision in a positive way and that I was choosing to do these things. This has meant that I've not looked after myself and done things that made me happy. It led to depressions and contemplation of suicide. You see what I have come to realise is that we are not perfect, we should never be perfect and that is OK. Accepting that has taken all these years and a lot of tears.

Since reading the book in a matter of days I am now working through the exercises inside it in order to get what I want from life and make myself happy. This doesn't mean that Catherine doesn't make me happy, because she does. But the mind is a beautifully cursed thing. It will always ask questions or make you feel sad, even on the sunniest of Australian days. What I have to work on is not trying to be good, to be perfect in the eyes of others and to help other people. Yes these things are noble. But ultimately I am not doing the things that make me happy, like mountain biking, seeing friends, reading and writing. I still want to be great at what I do, but I am coming to accept the mistakes I make along the way and that it is not the end of the world if I'm not perfect at something.

Frankly is has been an enlightening and scary experience coming to live in Australia. Through the amazing friends we have made here I have developed as a person and am on the road back to being the chilled out person I used to be. I am writing to be honest with myself and be honest and open with all, so you can expect more from me soon.

Tom