Back on the wagon

My good friend Nick left yesterday after a week in Sydney and I was sad to see him go. But his leaving reminded me that I still have a way to go. I had enjoyed drinking with Nick after four weeks on the wagon, but by the end of the week my mind didn't feel the same way. I felt sad that Nick had gone, but more than that I felt bad that I hadn't been on best form while he was with us. Part of me realises how much my routine determines my mood, when I am out of that I am grumpy, distant, in a daydream. Some of those fore mentioned feelings are because we had later nights than normal, or I drank most nights I'll admit, but that in itself is outside of my routine. Some of it comes from not doing the parts of my routine that keep me balanced. It sounds fucking nuts if I'm honest and yes I do think too much, but hey that's me.

So the result of this insight into my mind is that I just have to get "back on the wagon". Aside from stopping drinking for the next month I am getting back to my meditation and to lifting weights. The last two require a new habit of early mornings, which I started last week when Nick was staying. Along with a couple of friends Catherine and I have started training a couple of mornings a week along the coastal path. This is awesome for setting up my new early morning habit as it makes me get out of bed for someone other than myself. Obviously I get fitter by doing (I'm not completely stupid), but it also gets me into a pattern of doing my training before work. The new routine I am building means I hit the beach for a swim after work (sorry English friends), which is my time to switch off the brain.

For the next four weeks I hope to be able to report successes as well as the failures, because no great plan is without its fuckups. Until then I'll leave you with this....

Are you ok?

Tom

Taking stock

This last week has been a fun and busy time with my great friend Nick staying with us. It has been a break from the normal routine which has been as insightful as it has been enjoyable. As I said to Nick yesterday it has highlighted the number of different factors I need to keep balanced in order to keep my mind in check.

Before Nick arrived I managed four weeks without drinking alcohol (I may have been a day shy of four weeks), which I believe had a noticeable effect on my brain. That effect came in the form of greater concentration at work, less of a wandering mind and a more stable mood in general. Obviously these are subjective things that I can't measure, but I think if you find something that works then why question it. It is worth experimenting on yourself by gradually changing things within your life and noticing their impact. Like a science experiment you don't try and change everything at once, but focus on small things first. That way you can keep what works and discard what doesn't.

Nick leaves today and that marks the start of my alcohol free stretch for the next four weeks or more. It coincides nicely with me getting back to running, which we began last week and a return to the gym, which I've been slack at lately. As boring as it may sound having a routine is the most helpful thing for me. It goes against my natural state of relaxed chaos, but being organised and structured gives the old brain less chance to mess about. That routine includes the things that keep me on track, so if I sacrifice them for a lie in, or to work later or do something I don't want to do then my health suffers. It sounds dramatic to say that, but in the long run it does. But worse than that how I am in mood and health affects those I love and as my Buddhist tattoo says, "May all find happiness in my actions and let no one suffer because of me." Time to get back to that simple mission statement.

Are you ok?

Tom

Action!

Over the last month I have managed to leave Facebook (then return sneakily), stop drinking (and return to it briefly) and be a sloth (which has sort of stopped). Leaving Facebook has reduced one of a few distractions allowing me to use my limited brain power to focus at work. I am happy to say that is has worked and my work has been much more consistent as a result. Not drinking for four weeks has certainly allowed my moods to stabilise and this goes in hand with eating more regularly. Low blood sugar has often been the simplest of enemies when it comes to my moods and depression. Being a sloth has come about because I have not had the energy or motivation to get to the gym after a days work. Our days are physical, but they are not anything compared with concreters, or tradies working on building sites.

To answer the reason why I have felt so incapable of exercise I have delved deep inside my mind and meditated many times in order to arrive at the reason for this complex issue of lethargy.
I have been lazy. Yes it took a great deal of inner discovery whilst assuming yoga positions that some would only dream of, but I reached this critical point at the weekend. At the same time I had started reading a new book called Gorilla Mindset. "Oh god Tom not another book?!" I hear you cry. But yes, cry all you like my friends because I am reading another book to help with the mind. Actually I am reading four books at the moment. What can I say, I'm a reading whore. Except nobody has paid me for reading these books, so I must be doing something wrong. Anyway I digress. This book is different from others that I have read in that it gives practical advice and worksheets to help the reader to gain a greater control over their mind and change their mindset to one of positivity and achieve success in what they put that mind to. It sounds too good to be true right? But actually like any diet, training program or change in your life you have to just commit yourself to action consistently and await the results. Nothing comes for free, you have to work at it and the brain is a devilish mistress. One that can seem to go the way you want one minute and then have you over a barrel (metaphorically of course) the next.

So this book has some great practical advice that I would like to share with you now. I don't have the permission from the author for this, so I'll let you check the book out if you are interested and ask that you don't report me to the authorities. The FBI already have me on a Blacklist for making a bomb joke at an airport...So the book Tom, the book! Yes sorry, it is by Mike Cernovic and as I said before is called Gorilla Mindset. You can usually try a sample of books on Amazon for your Kindle or just on the Kindle App on your smartphone or tablet.

On self-talk Mike offers some great advice. Now this may not be original, after all it is hard to re-create the wheel when it has been done so many time before. But Mike delivers his advice in an easy to understand way and it is stripped of fluff. The book is about action more than ideas to think over. When you experience negative self-talk such as 'I always screw this up!', 'You are useless!' or 'You are a waste of space on earth!' Ok so maybe the last was an exaggeration, but we all have something negative going on at some point in our lives, it's natural, it's normal. The key is to confront that negative talk and Mike encourages you to repeat what is in your head in front of a mirror or better yet to record it on your smartphones voice recorder and replay it to yourself. By doing this you can see how ridiculous a lot of your negative self-talk is, it's actually embarrassing. But best yet it is easier to rationalise what you are thinking when you get it out of your head. Once it is spoken or recorded and listened to you can deal with it much more effectively than bottling it up inside. Do you actually always screw things up? Are you useless? No, your mind exaggerates, your ego craves attention like a little brat. So slap it down and tell it who's boss and then you can build on the positive self talk.

Positive self-talk is hard for so many of us. We grow up in a world of negativity, control and limitations. As Mike Cernovic writes it is not surprising that so many of us suffer with the limitations of our minds and don't progress in life. Why should dreams only be just that? Part of it is people around us telling us that it won't work and the rest is our own minds. So positive self-talk starts with affirmations. You may think this is fluff that doesn't work, but it has worked for millions of people over the years and comes back to consistency. It is not a magic pill, but something that you have to believe in and repeat everyday. Believing in your affirmations are easier because you write them. They are something that you want to be written as though they are already fact. Examples might be:

• "I am confident and strong."
• "I am a bloody marvellous human being with great management skills."
• "Today is another day to show how great I can be, even if I don't win I will grow stronger for tomorrow."

Like when you verbalised your negative self-talk it helps to say these aloud, everyday to yourself. Stand up, smile, pull your shoulders back and let yourself know how bloody fantastic you are. I tell you the mind needs to know who is boss and how amazing you are.

Your affirmations can be corny, funny or serious, but above all else they are personal to you alone and specific to what you want to improve about yourself. 

Let me finish off here by saying this. These techniques are no magic pill on their own, you have to tackle the negative shit head on and accept how ridiculous it is. You are your only limitation to what you want from life. Your negative talk has been around for years and is akin to a Great White Shark. Your introduction of positive self-talk and affirmations is basically a minnow in comparison. But through consistent "feeding" through daily repetition of positive self-talk (and a little magic) your minnow can become a Blue Whale. I speak only facts, so don't doubt my metaphors. 

Anyway lets stop chatting and get on with some positive action. Bugger off and get Mike Cernovic's book and let me know how you get on. 

Are you ok?

Tom

Progress steps

I have had a busy couple of weeks with work all be it nothing when compared with Catherine's crazy hours. Her work has taken a lot out of her lately and reminded me of our life in London when we didn't see much of each other. It has also reminded me how we balance each other out and work as a team. Balance is certainly the best word for this post because we all need to ensure our body's remain in homeostasis. As much as we can hope that others will support us and provide what we need we must accept that won't always be the case. Everyone has to live their lives as an individual and look after themselves first before attending to others. If that seems selfish then you should probably not bother reading on. Unless you can maintain your own balance through correct nutrition, exercise, sleep and social activities then you will fail. It doesn't matter how many friends you have on Facebook they won't be able to look after you unless you look after yourself.

Following this thought process brings me to the title of the post, which is 'progress steps'. These steps have come gradually over the months as I work on retuning my brain. You may have read one of my last posts where I spoke of the necessity to eat enough and how your thinking patterns can change when you achieve optimal nutrition intake. This week I have found the benefits of taking a Magnesium and B-Vitamin supplement every morning along with breakfast. I wouldn't say I am bouncing off the walls with energy, but that my mind has appeared quieter and more stable. I have had a level of concentration return which has escaped me for months if not more and my memory recall seems like it's taken speed. Considering how bad my memory has been over the years it is a definitive step in the right direction to be able to recall names, conversations and useful information so much easier than before. I am no scientist and so I cannot say that my experiment has conclusively proven this supplement is the cure all. But I haven't meditated in over a week and aside from ditching Facebook there has not been another change. Normally meditating would be keeping me clear headed, so to not have done any and feel this good is pleasing to say the least.

Obviously I am happy to make progress, but as I have said before it doesn't come easy. I have changed a great deal that I do and in all honesty I only experience 'low to moderate' depression. So to put it bluntly it takes time and consistent effort. It is hard work to overcome mind habits created many years ago and reinforced over two decades. For those who are (or have someone) going through depression I can offer much advice, but mainly just this, keep on going. It may be a long road, but the experiences along the way are worth it, even if your mind may tell you something different. Be patient and stick with it, because eventually you see small things happen and you realise that maybe life isn't so bad after all.

Are you ok?

Tom

This last week I have been working on reducing distractions of the mind. It is not dissimilar to having a spring clean of your home, where once finished your shit is in order and you can see things clearly. In the same vein my mind is a little clearer already from having less to focus on. More importantly for a depressive I have more clarity to see what is truly important.

Having less distractions for my brain means I can actually maintain concentration at work and I've been happy with how I've got on in the last week. Alongside this I have restarted my daily meditation practice in order to help clear the mind and deal with anything that arises through the week. I've got a good balance with my gym training too in that I am going three times a week, but not exceeding that. Less is more in that regard as it gives my body a chance to recover from work.

The secret with depression and anxiety is that there is no secret. There is no magic cure or pill (even if it's prescribed) that will cure these ills (at least not in the short term). The formula to successfully dealing with both is research, consistent effort, time and support. Research relates to the discovery of what you are experiencing and strategies and tools to help you manage what you have. Consistent effort means you don't shy away when things go bad or give up on strategies when times are good, you keep living life. If you became obese over 20 years would you expect to lose it all in a week? No, so don't expect miracles to occur just because you decide to deal with your depression or anxiety. It's going to take time, so be patient, accept it and smile! Support means friends and family. Let them know what is happening, let them in (even if it's just cracking the door to your mind) and spend time with them. Life is not about struggling on selflessly through troublesome times. Sharing within your closest circle of friends or family will help them understand why you might appear to be a grumpy tart, or why you never want to do anything socially. Nobody is a mind reader.

I could go on about the last a lot more and perhaps I will repeat myself in future posts as you can never read it enough times. I found a tool recently that was enlightening. I read the New Scientist thanks to my great friend Nick and I love reading and learning about the Universe when articles appear in an edition. A recent article talked of the Multiverse and my brain almost exploded at the theorem presented about it. But the one thing I always see when I read about the Universe is how small we are. Not just our lonely planet, but us as individuals. We are tiny specs in this amazing space and we are completely insignificant. That realisation actually helps me to relax. It may not seem like it because it sounds depressive, but actually it is a realisation that if you can accept it will help you out.

Well that is enough chatter for now. Keep keeping on people!

Are you ok?

T