Having a moment

There could definitely be a them to my blog posts at the moment. It's not "woe is me" stuff, but I am not exactly firing on all cylinders. After a recent blip or two I thought I would test out a couple of changes and see if it helped to keep me on track.

Today was my first day without a coffee. Not even one. Not even a sniff. Well maybe a sniff as I walked by a cafe this morning, but that was all. Cue headache. I'm not entirely sure if it was because of that alone or not drinking enough water, but I haven't had a headache in ages. Damn you coffee! Instead of coffee I'm just having a cuppa (tea) in the morning and if I'm at home, one in the afternoon. This experiment has two good outcomes. The first is that it saves me money. The second is that it may help my mood levels and stop me being insanely hyperactive and then miserable as fuck. Tomorrow (Saturday) is the day that Catherine and I visit our local cafe tomorrow. The hardest part will be sitting there and not having a coffee. Plus I can't have a cup of tea, because no cafe here can make tea like an Englishman (or woman, I'm not sexist). So I'll probably have to drink some of that herbal stuff (not the "green", although that could be an idea), possibly Camomile or Peppermint. Oh dear, what has become of me...

I am also cutting back on my sugar intake after eating a lot of cake for my birthday. I'm trying to support my body as I hit the weights in the gym and because you know, I gotta look good on the wedding day ;) This is also particularly difficult as I have a sweet tooth which is like a heroin addict, always searching for the next hit. Don't worry I am not about to do heroin, I have enough money problems without that too! I have been trying to eat more, to ensure I avoid craving sugar. This means nuts, protein and a bit more fat in my diet as I ensure I get enough calories in during the day.

I recently had this interesting chat with a friend at work. We talked about the difference between how we feel inside and what we actually show in our day to day lives. I found it an interesting idea, because we are often different people when we are at work compared with our off the clock selves. I have always been happy, enthusiastic and friendly at work. Outside of work I can be grumpy, tired and mean. I like to think that my actual character is in between; laid back and calm. When you do a customer service job everyday you can often feel inside like wanting to punch people in the face and tell them to stop being so fucking lazy. Naturally I just keep that in my mind as I am talking with them. I will obviously smile and be polite. But by doing that I actually tire myself out helping these lazy, privileged, needy people and as a result I have less energy to give to the people that matter in my life. That is quite sad isn't it?

I don't want to give the best of me to random strangers and then be a prick to the people I love. Hmm. My worst and best characteristic is my desire to help people. For my current job it is a gift and a curse. As much as I want to develop and change, I am not sure if this is something I can sufficiently change to equal a desirable outcome for myself. It's a trait I've developed over years and will probably take as long to unlearn. Well these are the musings I have to deal with in my head on a daily basis, so welcome to my crazy little world.

On a positive note I have the day off tomorrow to train and read before meeting Catherine to celebrate her birthday. Now that I've had a rant and got rid of some negativity I hope I will be much happier for those people I love tomorrow.

Enjoy the weekend wherever you are.

Tom :)