Monday posting

I forgot to post this after writing it on Monday, so I'll just leave this here...

Trying to balance life is always a challenge. Whoever you are and whatever your situation there will always be things pulling you in one direction and then the other. You'll have to make choices about what you do on a daily basis and accept that you can't do everything. Unfortunately there are many of us that can't balance things and will end up over cooking themselves.

Since doing the Mindfulness meditation programme I have become more aware of this balance. By no means have I perfected it, in fact I am feeling crap today because I got it wrong last week. But I am aware and although I feel particularly low today, I know that it's as a result of all the good things I did last week with weight lifting, acro training and running. Knowing the result means that I can change my weekly plan accordingly. Not only will this mean I have enthusiasm and energy for the things I enjoy, but that I have the energy to work too. I sometimes forget that I have a slightly physical job, which despite being manageable still uses up more energy than I give it credit for. 

Last week I had a great discussion with a mate of mine. It was probably the first time that we had sat down and openly talked about depression and the like. The realisation in that talk was that there are key variables to get right to ensure a balance in my life. If I'm training and meditating regularly and organise my week then I will feel fine. I've boiled it down to these three because they have the most impact on how I feel when I don't do them. I'm yet to get specific, but I think I'd feel ok if each week I did the following:

• Train a minimum of 5 times
• Meditate on at least 5 days
• Work a minimum of 3 days

It may sound extreme to lay it out so neatly, but I'm not good at this shit so I have to work at it! That means writing action lists, using my diary effectively and basically running my life like a business. Unfortunately I have to look at my time and energy as a rare commodity, if I just give it up without thought and say yes to everything without consideration then before I know it I'll be a broke man in more ways than one. Once you realise this for yourself then you'll enjoy your life that bit more because you understand that you have a choice in everything. 

Today is one of those fuzzy, low days. I'm physically tired and a little unclear in the head. But like I said before I know why and am not dwelling on it. I've got a plan for today to get jobs done and organise my week, so I don't fall into a dark place. It's taken me years to realise that my mind wasn't normal, but that it could be managed. I didn't talk openly, so I didn't know how to deal with it. That is the toughest part. But once I started on this journey of opening up I began to find others who were the same, they understood my feelings and crazy thoughts and all of a sudden I felt better. If you've ever thought negatively about yourself then the best medicine is to talk. You won't be able to rationalise negative thought in your head unless you know the techniques, but talking to others will help. If they are able to question you about what your are thinking about then you'll be able to see how you can manage that thought, dispel the negativity and move forwards.

If you really want to help yourself then I'd recommend reading the following books from top to bottom:

• Depressive Illness The Curse of the Strong, Dr Tim Cantopher
• Mindfulness a practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world, Professor Mark Williams and Dr Danny Penman.
• The Ultimate Introduction to NLP, Richard Bandler, Alessio Roberti and Owen Fitzpatrick.

I've found these to be the most helpful for understanding depression and learning practical techniques for managing it.

Until next time, are you ok?

Tom