Perspective

So my organised week is going well. I feel more in control of my life and less at the mercy of my mind and it's harsh critique. I did go out for my run at 4:30 today, but it was 4:30pm not am! So I may have failed on that first attempt, but because I had planned the rest of my day I got it done, which is an improvement on before. I also managed to phone the docs and get an appointment for the afternoon to get my hand checked. As a result of that visit I have to get an ultrasound as I might have a ganglion. I believe it's like a Dandelion, but skinny and awkward looking.

Returning to the running (as that is the main reason for this post), I had a great session, but a thought provoking one. People often ask what I think about when I run as they believe I must need to distract myself from the boredom and discomfort of running. But often the time I spend running is actually when I can be free of mind and just do something good for myself. It can be like yoga in many ways as you focus on your breathing, your movement and work through the discomfort.

Today however was not one of those days. Or rather it was, but with focussed thought. As I went straight from the Quacks to do my intervals (6x800m @ 6:40min/mile pace) it was always going to be that, which I thought of whilst running. I can't say it was positive thinking, I think the "not knowing" is always the worst thing for anybody's mind. So the though process basically went like this, "you're dying". Oh great! Thanks Mr. Mind, you bastard. So instead of a calm mind whilst trotting along I was powered on by a daydream of telling my family and friends that I didn't have long left in this mortal world. However... I subsequently ran all my intervals under 6:40 min/mile pace and felt great at the end. I even spent time stretching (which I never do).

My reason for bringing this up is because I was actually empowered by this negative thought process rather than depressed by it. It spurred me on as though I had something to prove. I actually said to myself 'run like this is the last interval you will ever do'. Now normally that would mean I just sacked it off and went to the pub, but today it was my rocket fuel. It made me push myself through the pain in order to go faster.

As I stretched afterwards my mind wandered. I thought of all the people who actually don't have long left in the World; friends with terminal cancer, people living through famine and all those in war torn countries that don't know whether they will see the week out. The common thing between all these people is that they often don't have a choice. They don't choose illness, famine or war. They have it thrust upon them. Perhaps there are some that just think 'sod it' and give up trying on life. But from my (all be it limited) experience these people just get on with it. They take life as it comes and make the best of what they have, not knowing when their day will come. I'm sure it worries them and it must be scary as hell. But they choose to live and make the most of what time they have left. They may not all be off skydiving and working through their sodding 'bucket list', but they will be making the most of those close to them and having quality time.

For me personally it made me see things differently. It made me think that I have to make the most of each day I have and continue to be proactive, without worry of what may come. I must continue my little daily plan and progress forwards, because we are the lucky ones. We are the ones that have a choice (probably too much) and it makes us worse for it. I have procrastinated for years when I think about it. I have been consumed by worry, by my own choices, my own making. But this choice must be the easiest to make, to choose to live, not just be.

I've heard it many times but I still love it, "it is not the years in your life that are important, but the life in your years."

Tomorrow is a 5am start, so I'll see you all on the other side.

Tom :)