Talking

Some may say that I love to talk. There's no lie in that fact. But when it comes to real talk about the big stuff it is a different story. I find solace in talking to the nothingness that is the internet, by writing this blog. I know that a few people will read it, but it's not aimed at them. It's not meant to hurt, but just be an open and honest portal for my "real talk".

Slowly I am starting to talk more about what is irking me, how I am feeling when I'm quiet and releasing the grip on the dark stuff. It's a process that is hard when you've developed a habit over many years of keeping a lid on everything.

Someone said to me recently that they were surprised I felt how I did (they had read my recent gloomy post) and that I seemed to have it together from the outside. That is what I have always done, keep smiling and carry on. But it wears thin after caring for others health and wellbeing for years. There must come a point where you are open and honest with yourself and those around you, because anything else is detrimental to life.

Recently I've felt shit. But I've been in a worse state before now and nobody but Catherine knew how I felt and what was going on. This time I have more of a plan to focus my thoughts and actions and keep me progressing forwards when I feel like I want to just stop. A few friends have helped and I'm grateful for their support. It means a lot.

My Mum said something in a message to me yesterday that struck home. She said "if you are feeling depressed, just accept it. Don't try fighting it." Acceptance of who you are and what you are feeling is our greatest challenge. We don't need to be any more than what we already are, nor fake something that we are not. It's great to improve ourselves for the benefit of us and everyone around us, but it's not essential. Nobody is judging us out of ten, real life is not a bloody television show. If people are judging then it's a sign that they are not the people we need in our lives, we can kick them into touch.

I can write some crap at times, but I'm not doing it in order to gain accolades. I just need to splurge and release the pressure valve in my head, so I don't explode. We could all do with finding our own way to release the pressure each day. Something that doesn't damage our health but improves it and in that find a real peace in our minds.

Tom


- Posted from the modern day type writer