Action strategy

This week has certainly been an improvement on last week. Before I head off to the mountains for a little half marathon trail run I wanted to tap out what I have done as a reminder of what can be achieved.

After numerous talks with friends, two doctors appointments and a little punchbag therapy some of the fog is clearing in my head. In some respects I now feel better than I have for months, perhaps longer. I still have a long way to go of course, but I am taking action to improve. The action is that which I have described above and for some that may seem straight forward. But it has taken a long time to get to this point. A long time of not being honest and truthful with myself and others about how I was feeling. But hey I'm learning a lot more about myself and my mind now, so that's a positive!

Talking has been my greatest skill and my biggest downfall. I am good at talking to pretty much anybody, making friends as I go through life, but rarely have I been able to talk to those closest to me about the important things. So the biggest change I have seen this week is just that. I'll admit it is baby steps, but I've been able to talk a little about what I am feeling and that is a start. It is all because of writing this blog that I have been able to open up to friends lately. By talking about how sh#t I feel on here it then makes it easier to do in the real world. But let me tell you that if one more person tells me how good it is to talk I WILL slap them. Talking is good, but offloading this darkness is not.

The doctor that I have seen this week has been great too. Mainly because his advice was practical and optimistic. He didn't want me to go on meds, but told me to take action. To get back in the gym, to write and to remind myself that it would get better. The first started that evening with a session on the punchbag and I've now been in the gym four days in a row. The second wasn't difficult, I've been doing that for years, but more recently it has been more consistent and not always just a negative form of expression. Speaking to the doctor twice was a step that I had to take to confirm to myself in no uncertain terms that I was, I am ill. It may be an illness that lets you carry on working, thinking and leading a normal life. But normal with this illness is erratic at best and it affects every little thing you do more than a broken leg.

The punchbag therapy has been excellent at offloading some raw energy and reducing the anger levels. That is another key area that I need to work on, but the results have been amazing for my energy levels. 

These have been my main strategies for the week and I certainly feel more positive for putting them into action. Moving forwards I will be incorporating some daily meditation and a technique for quashing negative talk. I'll explain a little more about those two next time.

Enjoy your weekend, I'm off to run like a mad fool in the mountains.

Tom