The battle begins

I've left the blog for a week because I didn't think there was much more I could say after the last post. Like finishing a marathon exhausted in every conceivable way I had nothing left. Unsurprisingly the days after that post were particularly shit and low. But after finishing the depression book I was reading, starting meditation and talking with two close friends I have picked up a little.

I'll summarise the few days after my last point. I went through a few days after the last post feeling devoid of feeling and positivity. I managed one run and despite it being a good one I was anxious and blue by the end. For those few days I must have been pretty awful to live with, displaying a short temper and being unresponsive.

Saturday was a turning point, all be it a small one. I finished work earlier than expected, so I got to enjoy a coffee at our friend's cafe with Catherine and Caitlin. After that we went home and blitz cleaned the car (it is satisfying to do knock down menial tasks when you are depressed). After that we headed to a friends new apartment for food. I wasn't great company at the party, but had a constructive catch up with my mate Simon and left feeling more relaxed.

Sunday we had Achilles training and I enjoyed spending time with my mate Cavalier with a GoPro strapped to my chest. This was in order to get video footage of the routes Cav walks, from the city scape to the vistas around the Opera House. From there we went to Dane and Caitlin's acro workshop to learn some new skills. What can I say I am enjoying Acro! Not that I didn't think I would, but I like learning new skills and seeing our partnership develop. I am just focussing on enjoying it now and not worrying about beating myself up if I don't get something. Lord knows I do that too much already! In fact here's what we learnt:

But that wasn't the end of Sunday, oh no! We headed to the sales after that and picked up a new block of Global knives, a toaster and a kettle. Well that's just what you do when you get married, rock and roll! By the time we got back home I was knackered and enjoyed relaxing for the rest of the evening. Something I need to do more of over the next few weeks, so I don't make myself worse.

Monday was a day off for the Queen's birthday (thanks Liz), so we caught up with friends for brunch near the beach. I did enjoy seeing everyone, but I am still struggling with being in groups at the moment, I get anxious and can't relax. After we went our separate ways Andrew and I had a great talk about everything and he suggested using the punchbag to release some stress and anxiety. I can confirm that it works after hitting the bag and doing some tabata intervals, so this has been added to my new toolbox. Along with the daily meditation I hope that this will keep my mind from overloading, so watch this space.

Today I saw the doctor and after talking with him for half an hour he recommended I return on Thursday before he refers me to a psychologist. I see this as a different tool to help me work through issues that have been around for years. I'm not expecting a magic bullet because I've suffered for years with this. I also know a lot of what I need to do and have already put that into action. So the psychologist part will be to work on some deeply embedded memories and learned traits. It is going to be a complex and lengthy process, but hell I've got some great support and a brain, so I'll get there!

Thanks again for all the messages of support. It means a lot to Catherine and I to have you there.

Tom